Disclaimer: The following is my opinion and my opinion only. You don't have to agree but just hear me out. :-)
I've grown up hearing lots of advice from people older than me. Duh, of course!! Who hasn't? As I've gotten older the general advice on life had changed to advice on marriage. Hmmmm....
Now, I'm not married but am very much NOT available. Anyway, there's a phrase I ALWAYS here married, Christian people say and I absolutely hate it! Can you guess what that phrase is? I bet the married people can. Come on! Take a guess. Nothing? Okay, I'm more than happy to tell ya. The dreaded phrase iiisssss (drum roll) "Prepare yourself...for your spouse."
What the heck? Am I like some special ingredient of unpreparedness and stupidity? No, I'm just single. Somehow I guess I've never had human interaction before with a man so I know nothing about them. Oh and yes all men are alike. Oh and all marriages must be alike too because most married people say this. What I find more interesting is that when you ask "what does that mean?" there doesn't really seem to be a good answer for it. At least not good enough to me that I would want to take the advice and write a book about it and apply it to my marriage.
I'm not saying all married couples are like that but a LOT of them somehow forget. It makes me wonder what happens when they get to the other side. I'm not trying to be deep or philosophical about any of this stuff. This is what I think and so if you like it great and if you don't...well that's just the way it is. :-)
I'm not ready to sign off just yet! What's wrong with being single? No, I haven't heard anyone actually say that being single is wrong. Man oh man does society tell us that -- over and over and over again. Let's look at Sex and the City. One of my favorite tv shows but it's about 4 single women living in New York having lots of sex and can't seem "to find Mr. Right". I must admit I wanted to move to New York after watching this show but why is it so important for a woman to have someone that much?! Well, first I think God designed all of us, men and women, to desire love and affection from another human. Yes, I want to be married. Is moving to New York the best option? Heck no! I found the best man possible for me right in dear ol' Bloomington, IN. I honestly didn't expect it! What those 4 ladies on the tv show don't own up to is that they are looking in all the wrong places. I could get deep here and a bit spiritual -- nah, I'm cool. LOL
Here I am 27 years old, dating, and have no clue as to what I'm doing. Am I preparing myself for marriage? I've been doing that since the day I was born. My definition of "preparing yourself" is simply you being you. Get to know who you are as an individual. Enjoy everything life has to offer you. You only live once. I was praying a couple of days ago and heard God say, "Don't let life stop you from living." Too often we get so caught up in the things (yes, things) of this world and don't realize what we have and who we are. A couple of years ago I started journaling about different things I'd learned about myself. I would right down what my favorite color, favorite food, favorite vacation spot (duh, Disney World), what I saw myself doing in 5, 10, 15 years and many, many other things.
Now I'm rambling and need to get back to work. Feel free to leave any comments. This blog is in no way bashing marriage (I too will be getting married someday). I think marriage is a wonderful thing and I look forward to my own. I love my married couples but y'all need to watch what y'all say sometimes. As Juanita Bynum said in "No More Sheets" y'all going to bed with biceps and triceps and telling us to "hold on!" LOL Alright, I think I've said enough now. Love you guys and you know I'm gonna be honest...that's just the way it is!
OK. I thought that was really good. I have to say it is a topic people need to talk about more but the only people who have been through it, married folks, can't relate to you on a practical level anymore because they are past that stage, dating and "getting ready" for a spouse.
ReplyDeleteI also like that you pointed out people give you the auto-pilot responses for stuff as if all relationships are the same and all men are the same for us ladies. I recently entered a relationship and most of the advice I received back in the day and the thoughts and boundaries I had for myself have gone out of the window. And the crazy thing is Jesus is the reason those boundaries and things have been thrown out. He showed me I was self-righteous and a Martha, always trying to control things.
My advice would be for people giving and receiving advice, let the Holy Ghost do it. Equip people to hear the voice of the Lord and get into the Word for themselves. Everybody's situation is going to be unique! Heaven forbid I call my Pastor in the middle of a date asking if it is OK for the man to hold my hand!
:)
LOL Oh Savannah I love you!! You are soooo correct! Please don't call Pastor Kim or Pastor Dave asking if it's okay to hold this man's hand. I will hit you! LOL
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note, married people really do seem to forget. Yes, they are thinking about the issues they've dealt with in their marriage and try to keep you from making the same mistakes. That's good but sometimes it comes off a little too pushy for my liking.
I rest my case. My married sister of 24 years just sent me an email saying this blog post was funny. Married people...smh.
ReplyDeletehaha...Sarah..you always have a way of making me smile through your blog....and I must disagree with Savannah...we have been there and gosh I hope I'm not too old...I still remember that phone call I made to P. Chad before he left to go across the country to "possibly meet" another girl...I invited him to come to a concert with me...just so he would be thinking about me on his trip. =) I still know how I felt when I was praying about it and just ... well I just didn't like him at the time. I've gotta say my best advice is get to know yourself and get to know Jesus more. It'll happen when it happens...and Savannah since I'm considered a pastor, I'll give you permission...hahahahaha. LOL
ReplyDeleteSarah,
ReplyDeleteTell da whole truth Sis.... (well you know what I was going to say--lol.. See monkey... do monkey, lol, lol!!!)
For real tho, this is absolutely amazing! Actually, this is quite pertinent to what I find myself going through. I often think about relationships in some fantastical, romantic type way but right now I am chillin in South Carolina with some amazing peeps and their husbands and I see, in a real relationship, authenticity is valued over everything else. So I have committed and am committing even more to being authentic. In preparing yourself, I think you gotta be you, like all of you, the good, the bad and the ugly... How else will you ever change and be "prepared" for marriage? And what exactly does that mean? I believe it is a process of growing trust and commitment to that person over time... which often manifest throught a series of events that are not quite fun to go through but seem to accomplish the work that needs to be done and love is built in the process. Anybody ready for marriage? In anycase, great post. Keep the Word flowing Sis Pastor (lol)!!
Love ya!
As a newlywed, who spent lots of time dating my husband, I think your interpretation of the phrase is quite right. The most important thing is to get to know yourself before you bring someone else in the mix. We women tend to have tons of baggage that we bring into a relationship, especially if we've dated previously. Ironically, we don't often realize all of our issues until we make the plunge and start dating someone who makes us better. So when I hear the "beloved" phrase, "Prepare yourself for marriage," I equate it with trying to deal with as much of your junk on your own before you subject someone else to it...that means, your mood changes, insecurities, fears,etc. Asking God to reveal these things to you and to help you change them in your life is key to dealing with it all.
ReplyDeleteI would also say, why not set yourself up for success while you're at it. Figure out what you like, dislike (if you don't know that yet); try to get your finances in order...basically the things you want in your spouse. You don't want to marry a liability, but an asset!
That's just the way it is :)